Cultural Stupidity #4 Love and Racism: Obstacles Of IR Dating For Asians

News Anchor Arthel Neville and hubby musician Taku Hirano

When it comes to any type of dating many  find it difficult,awkward and sometimes a waste of time.The need to have a companion who is your other half  is hard wire in our genetics.The  reasoning why most are willing to tolerate this often times tormenting ordeal. For those who interracial( IR) date find there are bigger issues with acceptance and over all relationship harmony. People are far more interested in interracial couples now since U.S president  himself is a byproduct of that union. Born to an Caucasian mother and African father Barack Obama is the new age of America.

When it comes to those of Asian community this can be something of pure blasphemy. Those “no way in hell you’re bringing this into my house” is usually most Asian parents reactions. Those Asian born in U.S second generation  realize the stigma of their parents and even grand parents no longer shackle their ideals.Yet Asian youth is still fragile and influence by the old countries intellect of proper marriageable unions.

For the most part many Asian youth are taught and raise to marry those within your own culture.Even marrying someone of a different Asian ethnic is a ” no no” and brings shame to the family. Chinese women should always and marry Chinese men, Korean women should and always marry Korean men,so forth, you get the idea.This mentality is reasonable if you live in a nation were at least 90% of population is of one nationality.The finding of a good X-Asian male/female within those nations are not so difficult.Unlike Asian youth who live in the United States finding just an Asian male and/or female is quite unrealistic.

America prides itself as a modernize nation that has become the world’s biggest “melting pot.” There is just too much variety of ethnic people dwelling in 50 states.Making the U.S a smorgasbord of finding potential mates outside your own ethnicity or race. Allowing new generation of Asian-Americans to date whom and what ever they want without the persecution of the xenophobic nations of far east,right?Maybe depending on what area these Asian-Americans youth are coming from.The old prejudice views and politics still linger in U.S and its media discouraging many from any interracial dating.

When it comes to IRs only a few seem to be more acceptable and reasonable verse others.African-American men and Caucasian women is more acceptable verse African-American women with Caucasian men.Asian Women and Caucasian men are more acceptable than Asian men with Caucasian women. Giving this equation of BM/WF and AF and WM the more ideal of  “good” IR couplings. You notice two race of people are being side line as lessor IR couples Black women and Asian men.Its universal know that both BW/AM are the LEAST desirable mates on online dating portals.

So what does this mean Asian women,Black men, White men and women have more freedom. More appealing to date whom ever and what ever they want without the odd stares.Even in the media these unions are celebrated more verse any other kinds.America is still a racial cautious nation when you’re speaking to natives.Other than that the mainstream media could careless about the truth and just what a ratings booster.There is a mild interest and changing ideal of Black women and Asian men relationship unions.Verse what the TV,movie and mass media like to say.Scamming on Youtube you find clips like Akira’s Hip Hop Shop, Tall Enough and Dragon of Love portray these union of deep caring loving companionship.

Akira’s Hip Hop Shop

Tall Enough

Dragon of Love

Model Christine Teigen and r&b star John Legend

Both Black women and Asian men are negatively stereotype in America.Black women are loud,obnoxious and rude.While Asian men are viewed as spineless,nerdy, and will just not sexy. Short films like Akira’s Hip Hop Shop,Tall Enough and Dragon of Love allows both to be  free and in love as they want to be.Movies like these will never hit the mainstream theaters or on American prime time TV.

Asian-American themselves are some what turn off by these type of unions.There’s a primitive need to only breed with the most dominant species.Many Asians rather see Asian and white unions verse those of Black.This idea may come from the west but Asia has it own reasoning against those who are extremely to different.In Asia those of darker skin are seen as “peasants” or “poorer” because they have to do manual labor(outdoor).Verse those of a lighter skin are viewed as being more beautiful and financial better(indoor). White in the west are viewed as the dominate race verse those who are black.There are more whites (specially white men) in higher C.E.O positions,politics and who deal with foreign issues.When it comes to sports,entertainment and over all sexual fornication image of African-American  portrayal has higher gratification.

We’re talking about mankind the most delusional species on the planet.Like those of animal kingdom find the strongest mate for better offspring  survival we do the same via social hierarchy,income and over all sex appeal base on attraction.Our reasoning for being someone can boil down to because he or she looks good,awesome in bed and financial well off. I can’t say everyone feels the same way but these issues are often times brought up in conversation when meeting a potential husband or wife.Those who interracial date have no exceptions for basing a future mate off of these ideals.

Kero One "On Bending Knee" dinnner scene

Some Asian-Americans blame ‘environment” and their parents   for choosing white over black partners.This excuse is great to convince  someone who lacks any common sense and has no idea about the diversity in U.S culture.Any Asian-American who uses the excuse “but mom and dad think black people are thugs” should be slap across the face for being so culturally dumb.Did your mom and dad dress you today before you step out the front door? For any person regardless of what race wouldn’t find the needy parental emotional basket case attractive male or female.Some use the excuse ” I mostly grew up in white neighborhoods and attended white dominate schools.” So did I and yet I still have an attraction towards Asian men that should be so unnatural.

From what I know many Black people find Asian culture,customs,philosophy and people attractive.Yet the two are quite shy when it comes to long-lasting marriageable  unions.Just like white people have the same reasoning of interest for Asians also.They call it yellow fever on the other side of the spectrum its blasian love.Cute little code names can often times lead to ridiculous ideals….but still very cute.

For someone like me IR relations is just so common and embarrassing to hear and read Asian plus other Americans who can’t relate nor understand.Watching videos on YouTube base off of WM/AF,AF/WM,BM/AF,BF/AM, reminds me that the world is changing regardless if people populating it can keep up.Myself being of Black,Italian and Spanish mix many find me being so multiracial.While those who understand I’m just a true Puerto Rican having such a diverse background of ethnic culture.There is no such thing as “one race’ people unless you’re wiling to marry your cousins…well that is just gross.Since the dawn of human existence we mated,conquer,and courtship each other regardless if we came form a different tribe.Only once we created politics and economics  did we forget we’re still “human beings” at the end of the day.Finding that perfect someone who we can settle down and populate the world with for years to come is just human nature.

Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi and Vivi Nevo

If you’re an Asian male or female reading this and are curious about dating outside your ethnicity regardless Black or white here is some advice.Don’t allow race to be an issue even when it comes to introducing your mate to your parents.They can see they’re different but show insecurities they may question your integrity and over all well-being of your union.Be proud but respectable always with confidence.Learning one another culture is deeply important to understand the differences in courtship and proper spousal behavior. The more you inform your mate about the customs of your Asian ethnicity and traditional point of views more they can respect you at a deeper level.You shouldn’t lose each other cultural identities but find a way to bridge the gap between the two.You’ll  find out have more in common than what you think.Above anything else you should be with your mate because you love them,respect them and willing to tolerate their annoying habits.Race should not be an issue if you want to be together. The less you allow this to affect your relationship the less it seems abnormal,unnatural or a social taboo.

Those who date outside their race see the world with no color making if difficult for others to concept.In the U.S we preach about racial acceptance yet we place restriction on those who live out these ideal.Criticize those who think outside the “social acceptance box” and find loves among those who don’t quite fit within our own ethnic group.I can only hope by the time I get married,have my first child they don’t have to worry about racism.Deal with the “check here for race” box when it comes defining their own race.My husband an I don’t have to worry about nasty stares or award family meets and greets.Just normal people living their lives in an ordinary world.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. asian dating
    Jul 24, 2010 @ 00:31:07

    I came across this blog – interesting read


  2. Sherry Wein
    Jul 25, 2010 @ 07:02:50

    Yes, online dating can be quite the adventure! Met someone for coffee that I met online. Nothing like the profile I saw on the web. Caveat Emptor!


  3. Attract a Girl
    Jul 31, 2010 @ 00:45:05

    Let me tell you a little something about me. I’m 22. I have no money. I have insane debt. I live at my parents’ house. I have grandpa-glasses. I have what will develop later in life into a unibrow. I have a beer gut. I’ve got a big beard and a neck beard to go along with it. Yeah, a neck beard.

    Now imagine that in your mind, and I mean really imagine it. Is this the kind of person who can attract a girl whenever he wants? Be totally honest. No? Wrong. Dead wrong. This is probably blowing your mind right now, and understandably so. This just isn’t the image that Hollywood puts up on the big screen. We are bred to believe that only the George Clooneys and Brad Pitts of the world, with their big chins and sculpted bodies, attract, court, and have sex with beautiful women.

    We believe that the only people who can attract girls easily are the people who have absurd amounts of cash to spend – they have nice clothes, drink Grey Goose, go to the hottest clubs, and they even have a perfect tan in the middle of December. This is a lie. It is simply not true.


    • spazifyouwantto
      Jul 31, 2010 @ 10:49:32

      What women don’t face the same?
      Both Black women and Asian men are devalue in western culture.Above anything else men have more pleasure at dating any women they want.

      Women are also target base on attraction for superficial reasoning. Over 80% of plastic surgery procedures is done on women.Bigger breast,perfect skin,hair extension,etc… all cost quite a deal of money and are not necessarily needed.

      On top of that so many women at a young age experiment with diets that can lead to eating disorder.Both sexes are being target to have total perfection.

      Even in Asia women suffer the same faith.Being petite, having fair skin(Asia on of largest consumers on skin bleaching creams),and double eye-led surgery.

      Men are just as guilty for gloating over a pretty girl verse a female who isn’t the bombshell of their dreams.

      Works both ways buddy. Granted most women would want to be with a successful man that takes care of himself. There are others who rather be with a rich douche bag instead and be his perfect trophy wife.Until the next pretty young thing comes along.


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